Hillbilly Elegy and the Impact of Environment

I just finished reading Hillbilly Elegy by J.D. Vance (2016). The book is a narrative of a family life in Kentucky and Ohio and how it struggled with poverty and poor choices. I was reminded in a passage from the book that regardless of race, living location, and economic levels, "what separates the successful from the unsuccessful are the expectations that they had for their own lives." (p.194, Vance, 2018).

Throughout the book, Vance describes the frequent moves he endured as his mother seemingly made one poor choice after another. Frequently, the stressful family environment that constantly evoked the fight or flight reaction impacted J.D.'s perspective while providing important gut level preferences. Add to this, the collective low expectations held by community members that created ceilings that limit possibilities, and you have a childhood that is unfortunately similar to many young people.

What does it take to recognize, adjust , or shift expectations that get in the way of a young person's dreams? Vance points out that environmental and community pressures can be overcome by the message a child receives at home. In the author's case, a strong central person in a child's life, his grandmother, Mamaw, provided an opportunity to hear another narrative despite her coarse language and in-your-face problem-solving that differed from her hopes for the author's future. After a series of challenging options (four-year Marine career, Ohio State University, and Yale Law School), Vance met his future wife who was raised with a different set of rules and experiences. The author attributes her ability to manage the feelings evoked by his upbringing as being critical in guiding him to his dreams.

But what if that message is not heard at home? How can debilitating self-doubt be overcome? What does it take to stop a youth from underselling him/herself and stop confusing lack of effort for inability?
In Vance's case it was a series of obstacles that were overcome and a sense that he underestimated himself.

So how does a mentor guide a young person to begin believing in his/her worthiness and ability to set and reach dreams? I believe that for mentors to become a life-changing resource the youth must initially sense that he/she is accepted by the mentor and feel that strengths are noticed and valued. And while that can be accomplished with little effort by the youth, confronting challenges requires a great deal more. These obstacles can include the fear of succeeding, of failing, of going against unstated family and cultural rules, of not knowing how to navigate through the steps, and of missing key networks that serve as guides and mile markers. It might seem easier to keep things as they are and avoid pursuing the dream. While some may choose that, I believe there are countless others who are willing to persevere. Important is the need to see what things look like and how it feels when small successes are reached.

Key question: What are some effective strategies to guide a young person to risk failing in order to overcome a challenge? Where have you, the reader, found success?